"I feel like I'm a doormat. How can I stick up for myself to my friends?" Take it from Book 1 Neville Longbottom, this isn't easy to do. This week, we discuss voicing your needs and boundaries. And if your friends continually ignore those boundaries, it may be time to spring-clean those mofos. (Also, Trin was recording from afar and sounds like she's in a bath tub. Sorry about that!)
"How do I make my friends feel heard? What are some empathic words I can use?" Hey, talking clearly and directly about your feelings is difficult. Asking your friends about THEIR feelings is difficult, too! In this episode we discuss how language, while powerful, is still limited and you are probably doing your best, so good job. Also, Trin knows her name is Elizabeth Barrett Browning, not Emily Barrett Browning. She just got excited.
"I was shamed on Facebook for de-friending someone!" and "My friend leaves WAY too many comments on my posts." This week, we tackle these excellent questions about doing friendship on the world wide web, the final frontier. And uh, not to sound too braggy, but we know a LOT about being weird online.
Our gushing review of the new Wonder Woman movie and the friendships it celebrates. Steve Trevor and consent, Etta Candy and female friendship, Ben Affleck barely appearing -- this movie rocked our ass. Diana will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and WE WILL, TOO. This one's light-hearted, dorky, and full of fandom love. Enjoy.
We here at Friendshipping, LLC accept all political views, unless your political view is shitty. This episode is about choosing to accept your friends in an imperfect capitalist society. Starting with: "So my friend eats at Chick-Fil-A..." CW: discussion of homophobia and racism.
Find out how Trin supports the long distance friends she never sees and when Jenn realized she was becoming a capital-a Adult. In this light-hearted ding dong of an episode, we interview each other about our personalities, relationships, the smell of Chicago, and what, exactly, makes tomatoes so cute to look at!
We got a great question from a student at university (that means college) about taking your friendships to the NEXT LEVEL. Maybe you've got a dozen acquaintances (all over campus, at your work place, whatever) but you're looking for something more more meaningful. Some depth. You know? We've got a few ideas for how to do that! Also, Jenn talks about her most hilariously embarrassing story from college.
Are you constantly worrying about your friend's bad life decisions? Always helping your pals move apartments? Giving rides to the airport? Organizing their schedule? Providing wisdom and advice? If you said YES to one or more of these questions, UH OH! You may be a Helicopter Parent to your friends. This episode is about being the "mama bear" -- when you are too controlling, really involved, care a lot, or simply exhausting yourself at the expense of your friends. Trin admits she was once this Mama Bear and as a result, drops some mind-blowing wisdom that will rock your face off.
So I made a sexist crack, and I feel bad about it. Now what? Can I apologize? Even though it happened months ago? How do I move forward? Am I bad? Am I okay? Am I doomed? Can I see Wonder Woman again? Is Chris Pine moving up on the top Hot Chris list? This episode covers how to handle your shit when you say something problematic. PLUS some non-spoilery gushing over Wonder Woman, because we couldn't not. Content warnings: discussion of sexism, racism, transphobia.
One time Connor Oberst emailed Trin at 2:00 AM and you have to listen to find out why. Or you can listen for the actual advice, which is about handling awkward, I-don't-want-to-talk-about-this conversations with friends. Like when your pal wants to discuss what's bothering you, but you really don't, and you get sweaty, and then your glasses fall down.
How to handle a messy friend break-up and keep your cool when you suspect someone is talkin' shit. This episode is all about zooming down the high road and being the bigger person. Even bigger than James Comey! Content warning for banter involving babies, pregnancy, and cannibalism - you can skip the first four minutes.
Listeners ask,"How do I introduce the person I'm dating to my friend group?" and "Is it going to be weird to bring my friend to a family wedding?" This episode is all about dating, friends, feeling weird, and wedding etiquette! We also try to wrap our minds around how tall James Comey is, but we can't, we just canNOT.
Friendship is the foundation of Star Wars, so we allowed ourselves an episode to get into the significance of Rey's first desert scene, Finn and his handholding, Han Solo being A Good Older Dude, why BB8 is definitely a Slytherin, and finally... the Sisterhood of the Traveling Poe's Jacket. Plus, bonus! You can find out how Jenn feels about love triangles. This episode is for DORKS ONLY!
How much advice can we pack into one episode? LET'S FIND OUT! We tackle a whole slew of questions that are big and small, important and silly. "How do I take a compliment?" and "My friend is lying about having PTSD!" and "Can I get my friend to stop chewing so loudly?" Whoooole lotta wisdom up in here, try to keep up, 'kay?
Listeners ask: "I want to have a birthday party with booze. Can I invite my friend who doesn't drink?" and "I'm a new baby vegan. What's the protocol with friend groups? Do I bring my own food to potlucks?" Jenn sort of daydreams about vegetables for awhile but Trin remains the expert on this subject. Go ahead, check her pockets. They're full of snacks. Also, please note our content warning for discussion of food health & mentions of alcoholism.
This week we got an awesome and tough question that really tested us: "My friend's kid is turning into a jerk. Do I speak up?" We have some thoughts on how to handle little Dave and little Gary, but if you decided to rocket to the moon instead of confronting this, we'd understand. Please enjoy! We're going to go watch re-runs of Jeopardy now.
This week we tackle the worldwide phenomena known as "sports" and discover that sports are basically D&D in disguise. Our first question is: "I don't care about sports but my friends really do. Do I need to make myself care to hang out with them?" And another: "My hockey team is doing badly and my friend is talking shit." Special thank you to our new editor, Ian Parman, for helping us with this episode!
You've probably got a friend in need. A friend who is struggling. You do! In this episode we offer some small, everyday things you can do to help -- things that don't cost a ton of time, energy, or money. So have a listen, help your sad pal, and STAY AWAY FROM HORSES. Trust us on this. CW: mentions of masturbation and vehicular manslaughter.
Jenn's had the flu all week, so while she's been chugging Pedialyte and disinfecting her doorknobs, Trin was kind enough to edit our live episode from Very Very Fun Day. For this one we held a workshop: How Not To Be A Jerk About Politics. This is probably our best live show. No...it DEFINITELY is. Includes some truly great questions from the audience. Thanks, audience!
Pobody's nerfect! We share some of our significant fuck ups, the moments when we were the assholes in a friendship. Let's improve together! We have faith that even the most egregious assholes, like the anonymous Twitter eggs with naked anime avatars, can be better. You CANNOT miss this wild episode. It's basically a confessional. (Psst! Listen until the end for a small gift surprise from us.) Content warnings for mentions of: death, gun violence, and abuse.
Hey! This is the most intense, honest episode we've ever done! We interviewed each other and got into our struggles with self-worth, insecurities, some memories from childhood, and going to therapy. There's laughter, there's darkness, there's a bit of everything in here. We hope you like it. We're going to go lie down for awhile. Content warning for depression, mental illness, and indirect reference to suicidal thoughts.
"My friend is a serial dater and he thinks he is in love with every woman he goes on a date with." How do you tell him he's probably not? DO YOU EVEN? We're back after a brief hiatus to bring you some sexy advice. Also, Jenn missed Trin so much that she got her a rock.
Business business BUSINESS! Step right up for business! This episode is about working and hiring your friends. We start with the question, "I asked a friend to design a logo for me. It's terrible. What do I do now?" We'll help you out with this, but only if you let us see the logo.
Do you have a friend who makes you feel forgotten? On the regular? Whaaaat if you have a friend who nitpicks things about you, like your appearance? Well we sure hope that's not the case! But if it IS! Listen to this! We clawed our way through many terrible sports metaphors to bring you this advice. Side note: prepare thyself for Trin's upcoming spin-off podcast, Talking Skin with Trin, debuting summer 2019.
If you thought LAST week was a rollercoaster, well, get ready for this one. We answer the question:
"I’m part of a marginalized community. I’ve had people attempt to compliment me in a manner that is either inappropriate or downright offensive to my community. How can I communicate this?" (P.S. We had to re-upload this episode because the file got all bungled up. Sorry everyone!)
An episode about being new to the fight! We answer, "How can I stay woke enough for my friends?" and "My friend can't turn off the politics and it's bringing me down, what now?" How to turn your discomfort into action, handle enragement fatigue, manage etiquette while protesting, and taking care of yourself and your friends in these tryin' times.
You want to know what the hell is going on in your friend's life, BUT you definitely don't want to pry or make them uncomfortable. What do? Also, Jenn still has a head cold and Trin still has a screaming robot.
Give us your hand, and let us go on a journey...a long journey....into YOURSELF! Sorry, that was weird. Basically this episode is all about introspection and meta-thinking and examining your own behavior. We answer three (three!) questions this time, starting with "How come my friends don't let me dump my problems onto them? Are they crappy friends?"
ALRIGHT, we went for it. This episode is about coping with the end of a friendship. You may not want to close the door, but it could just be friggin' time. This is all about what to do, what the heck not to do, how to write therapeutic letters, how to heal, and finally, what the hell happens after it's over. This is all about leaving someone behind without getting haunted by the ol' friendship ghost and you know what? WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS.
Have you ever felt like a runner-up in a friendship? Second best? Not good enough for your own pal? We discuss "ranking systems" in relationships. Trin invents a name and rich backstory for one of our askers. Hang in there, Clarisse.
It's the taint of the year and we're back with advice! This one's all about friendship as it relates to romantic partners. "My girlfriend is better to her friends than they are to her!" and "I've been seeing this guy for a few months. We're in dating mode, but I want to be his friend." Some bonus advice from us to you: Never forget that you are more genetically similar to a banana than your own sibling. That isn't true at all, but it is fun to say.
This week we get into doing friendship while you're depressed. Should you muscle through and hang out with friends, or go into Hobbit Mode? We suggest BOTH! Also, Jenn has a head cold that is just bad. So bad! It's okay to laugh at her pain.
Not to be all braggy, but this might be our best episode. Ever? Yep. It's full of sound advice for handling friends who show thoughtless Internet behavior on Twitter and email. And a surprise twist: Trin can do a celebrity impression that she's just been like, selfishly keeping in her back pocket this whole time. What! YEAH.
Ghosting is when a friend just, POOF, disappears! And neglects your friendship. Without explanation! It's EXTREMELY COMMON and it extremely sucks. So what do you do then? Call? Write another email? Send a muffin basket and demand an explanation? Here's an episode about feeling left behind. As a fun bonus, Jenn reveals a new celebrity crush that may delight or confuse you!
How do I connect with my older sister? Should I try to hang out with my cool cousin even though our families aren't close? A timely episode for the holidays--this one's all about doing friendship (or not) with family members. Also, Trin drops some incredible wisdom about social currency that everybody needs to hear, and Jenn has to concentrate all of her brain power for a solid minute to recall the one single event on our calendar next year.
The election's done and we're all coping with bad, dark feelings. Here's our attempt to provide you with some coping mechanisms so you get help yourself first and then get your ass out of bed to get to work to help your community. If nothing else, this episode is worth a listen if you need a break from life. We offer you some quintessential Friendshipping quirks, like confusion over wedding traditions and a pep talk that's just yelling. Here's the song featured in this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xx3nTsFJEQE
You're a nerd. Your friends are nerds. But are you good at being a nerd, or do you need a brush up? This week, we discuss making your friends watch Stranger Things, and being nice to jocks. We also get slowly drunk throughout the episode because the Cubs won, and Trin tries to do math.
CW: alcohol, brief sex mention, brief violence mention.
The blinding relief of finishing our Kickstarter campaign must've been hitting us hard, because this episode is JAM PACKED with goofs, chortles, and belittling Ringo Starr. We did manage to give out some practical advice, including "how to befriend introverts" and "how to speak up to your friends when you really need their support." Two difficult, important tasks!
This week a listener asks, "I'm distancing myself from a toxic friend. What are some red flags I should look out for in the future?" We list some common iffy behaviors and define negging, which was oddly cathartic. Sillies abound.
This episode was recorded live with an adorable audience at NerdCon! Jenn may have been hungover but that didn't stop us from dropping knowledge all over Minneapolis. Questions included, "How do I talk to my friends about my illness?" and, "I have a friend who isn't really a friend who will not stop talking to me about her wedding." Thank you to our producer Alex for joining us onstage! (Content Warning: we share some stories about barfing, feel free to skip 8:00 to 11:30.)
Look, we talk about emotions and empathy and social cues a lot on this here podcast. It's kind of our thing! But we're overdue in addressing that some people? Some people are emotionless Vulcans and that's just fine, too. We also address the question, "my friend posts vague sad lyrics on Facebook. All the time. WHY?" (IMPORTANT PRODUCTION NOTE: If you're a member of Jimmy Eat World, please do not listen to the last 2 minutes of this podcast. Super important. THANKS!)
A very loopy episode as we celebrate our Kickstarter project, and then dive into this strange concept known as: feeling joy. Discussion topics include: the time Trin met Will Ferrell while he was wearing sweatpants; what Jenn says to her dog every morning; Tweeting with The Jackson Five.
Uncle Joseph Biden sent us a fax in the middle of the night begging us to do an episode about the election. We never turn down urgent requests from Washington so here we go: "How do you debate politics with friends?" and, gulp, "My friend supports Trump. Now what?" (Content warning: uh, this whole election.)
A discussion of when your support network of friends kind of, um, won't stop trying to support you even if you don't really want their support. We start with the question, "I'm a very private person. How can I tell my friends that I don't want to talk about my feelings?" and it's entirely possible Jenn submitted that in her sleep.
A very special episode that isn't an episode at all, actually. Got ya. This is our live audio recording from our Making Friends in Geek Spaces panel. We also gave an exciting announcement...and that announcement is a Kickstarter project. We're doing a Kickstarter project soon. Spoiler alert!
A huge, tremendous thank you to our panelists Maya, Khahil, and Jamie for sharing their wisdom.
Say you're throwing a party but you maaaaybe don't want to invite every single person you know. Hey, that's fair. Just don't brag about it all over Facebook. This week we discuss party invitation etiquette, especially as it relates to social media.
"How do I compliment my friends when they post sexy selfies?" and "Can I tell my friend her sibling is hot?" We cover lots of new territory in this episode and yell NO way more than usual. Enjoy. Oh, have a content warning: mention of masturbation and sex and kissing.
New this week: we rapid-answer a range of questions, including, "Does my husband need friends?" and "Is it okay to buy the same clothing item as a friend?" and most importantly of all, "Should Trin buy us matching pajamas?"
"I do freelance favors for friends and colleagues. Am I being used?" and "Am I obligated to promote all of my friends' Kickstarter projects?" If you've ever asked anyone to Tweet about your Kickstarter project, have a listen to this.
"My long distance friend has stopped answering my texts" and "I'm sick of driving my friend everywhere." An episode about resentment and the hard truth of long distance friendships. Things do get a little heavy, so we pause between questions for a Star Wars interlude full of giggles.
"My friend is stagnating professionally - how can I push him with love?" and "My friend cheated. Do I tell her boyfriend?" In this episode we discuss when intervene with your friends and when to back the heck off.
A discussion about peer pressure based around two questions: "My friend is badgering me about getting a boyfriend" and "My friend is continually telling me to go to therapy. I don't know that it's for me." Content warning: depression, therapy, brief mention of suicide.
Pet sitting. Giving rides to the airport. Moving furniture. Friends help one another! But let's examine that doing favors can get complex. There's a fine line between doing something nice and obligating someone to thank you. Dun dun dun.
The Internet can be a roaring dumpster fire of negativity. It's also where we personally meet new people and make our friends feel loved. In this episode, we tackle moments of friendship that are made possible through Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr. We are millennials.
This week, we discuss tactics for doing a very awkward, difficult thing: confronting your friends when they embarrass you. "My friend gets way too drunk at parties" & "A friend keeps bringing up a private fact about me in groups" are the jump-off points.
The mean girls episode.
Some friends will be bad influences on you -- they'll turn you into a version of yourself you don't really like. And then it's time for some tough love. (Side note: the end of this episode includes lots non-spoilerly Star Wars excitement.)
"When I plan an activity and don't invite the entire group, inevitably someone always feels left out or upset. How can I avoid hurting people's feelings?" And
"One friend in my social circle is very quiet and sulky. Should I discourage her from coming out with us?"
Two tricky questions this week about finding your friends:
- Is becoming a successful creator myself the only way to befriend like-minded individuals?
- How can I navigate friendships with people I have crushes on?